In my classes, I am usually one of the people that sits back and listens to what everyone else has to say because I am "shy." How I am in class is a situational identity, however, this identity is not shyness. People in my classes would be surprised to know that my not speaking up in class is more a protection I've created for myself because I fear saying something embarrassing or unintelligent. I have this constant insecurity about my intelligence which I've had since I came to college. Though there are instances where I may start off shy in my interactions with a person or group, I would not label myself as a very shy person. There are often times in class when we are asked a question or requested to think about something and I feel a strong urge to share, but I have played a part for so long that I can't step out of it. It is like I have fooled myself into thinking I really am a shy person.
My not speaking also has a lot to do with the people who are in my classes. I feel more free to speak aloud in class when I do not know anyone, as strange as that may sound. I think this is because if I don't know the person, I won't have to worry about being ridiculed outside of class for saying something dumb because my interactions with those people end when class is over. Also, there may be one person who, for some reason, intimidates me and that is enough for me to keep my mouth shut an entire semester in class.
This has to do with self-esteem issues that I posses which exist for no other reason other than that I am my biggest critic. I have always received encouragement from others, and I cannot recall any instances or past experiences that have greatly influenced my lack of self-esteem in this area.
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