In my classes, I am usually one of the people that sits back and listens to what everyone else has to say because I am "shy." How I am in class is a situational identity, however, this identity is not shyness. People in my classes would be surprised to know that my not speaking up in class is more a protection I've created for myself because I fear saying something embarrassing or unintelligent. I have this constant insecurity about my intelligence which I've had since I came to college. Though there are instances where I may start off shy in my interactions with a person or group, I would not label myself as a very shy person. There are often times in class when we are asked a question or requested to think about something and I feel a strong urge to share, but I have played a part for so long that I can't step out of it. It is like I have fooled myself into thinking I really am a shy person.
My not speaking also has a lot to do with the people who are in my classes. I feel more free to speak aloud in class when I do not know anyone, as strange as that may sound. I think this is because if I don't know the person, I won't have to worry about being ridiculed outside of class for saying something dumb because my interactions with those people end when class is over. Also, there may be one person who, for some reason, intimidates me and that is enough for me to keep my mouth shut an entire semester in class.
This has to do with self-esteem issues that I posses which exist for no other reason other than that I am my biggest critic. I have always received encouragement from others, and I cannot recall any instances or past experiences that have greatly influenced my lack of self-esteem in this area.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
I would like to thank...and blame, all the people who have made me who I am!
I don’t believe I have anyone to blame for who I am because even my faults are things that make me the person I am thankful to be. If I could, I would thank my high school youth leader for showing me the full picture of Christianity and not cutting out the things people don’t want to hear. She showed me who God was and was someone who led me to find my own faithful path.
In only the past three years, the people who I can thank for making me who I am today are numerous. The individuals involved in our campus’s Town and Gown organization who believed in me enough to give me a scholarship two years in a row deserve a huge thanks; Claudia Ingram who pushed for me to speak up in class and made me realize that my opinions matter; Debbie White who is my boss in Alumni Relations, but more importantly, is my mother away from home. She always knows when something is wrong without me even saying a word. I would like to thank Marilyn Engstrom for helping me find a major that I love and teaching me to “question everything.”
Lastly, there are the people in my family who have made me who I am. I would like to thank my brother Josh and my sister-in-law Veronica for truly showing me that family is everything. They have been there for me in the past and I know that they will be there for me in the future. I would also thank my mother for understanding me in a way that no other person does. I would like to thank her for never making me feel poorly for getting a C in a class or on a test when she knew I was trying my hardest. She accepts me for who I am and who I am not and she lets me know that I make her proud just being myself. Finally, I would like to thank my father. He passed away three years ago, but I take after him in so many ways. Not only do I resemble him through my physical features, I have the same optimistic personality, (for the most part), that he had. I am also easy going and I love to laugh. My father was a big kid and would do anything to get a laugh. He would also do anything for me and my sister. He would stay up all night helping us with school assignments and projects. When we had pages and pages of reading to do and were too tired to keep going, he would read aloud to us in bed. When we were young he would spend $20 trying to grab a bear from a claw machine in a restaraunt as we waited to be seated, just to make my sister and I smile. Even when money was tight, he always made sure we had enough money to go to a movie together…and enough money for popcorn. It was impossible to embarrass him, but he sure loved embarrassing other people (like my sister, brother and myself). Some of these things I have inherited from him; others are just good memories, but these memories are what help me get through every day that he is not around and they have become a part of me. I sometimes question whether the similarities I find between my father and myself are simply me being like him in a subconscious way, or if it is me trying to be like him because I love who he was and this helps me keep him alive.
All of the above people showed me compassion and love when they were willing to put their faith in me. Their positive influence on me has motivated me to try and be a positive influence on as many people as I can, and sometimes this influence is just smiling at someone when they pass by. The individuals discussed above have also contributed to my social and personal identities. John P. Hewitt writes, “People develop a sense of themselves as whole beings (integration) acting purposefully and effectively in their social world (continuity) by developing forms of identity that transcend the particular situation” (2007, 102). These forms of identity that Hewitt speaks of are social and personal identity. All of the above contribute to my life story (Hewitt 2007, 103); these people have made me think about my future and have challenged me to work hard so to succeed on levels I did not know were possible for myself. Because, in my years at Redlands, I have been integrated into a lifestyle of success (academically and in extracurricular activities), I continue to hold myself to higher expectations that transcend my life as a college student.
In only the past three years, the people who I can thank for making me who I am today are numerous. The individuals involved in our campus’s Town and Gown organization who believed in me enough to give me a scholarship two years in a row deserve a huge thanks; Claudia Ingram who pushed for me to speak up in class and made me realize that my opinions matter; Debbie White who is my boss in Alumni Relations, but more importantly, is my mother away from home. She always knows when something is wrong without me even saying a word. I would like to thank Marilyn Engstrom for helping me find a major that I love and teaching me to “question everything.”
Lastly, there are the people in my family who have made me who I am. I would like to thank my brother Josh and my sister-in-law Veronica for truly showing me that family is everything. They have been there for me in the past and I know that they will be there for me in the future. I would also thank my mother for understanding me in a way that no other person does. I would like to thank her for never making me feel poorly for getting a C in a class or on a test when she knew I was trying my hardest. She accepts me for who I am and who I am not and she lets me know that I make her proud just being myself. Finally, I would like to thank my father. He passed away three years ago, but I take after him in so many ways. Not only do I resemble him through my physical features, I have the same optimistic personality, (for the most part), that he had. I am also easy going and I love to laugh. My father was a big kid and would do anything to get a laugh. He would also do anything for me and my sister. He would stay up all night helping us with school assignments and projects. When we had pages and pages of reading to do and were too tired to keep going, he would read aloud to us in bed. When we were young he would spend $20 trying to grab a bear from a claw machine in a restaraunt as we waited to be seated, just to make my sister and I smile. Even when money was tight, he always made sure we had enough money to go to a movie together…and enough money for popcorn. It was impossible to embarrass him, but he sure loved embarrassing other people (like my sister, brother and myself). Some of these things I have inherited from him; others are just good memories, but these memories are what help me get through every day that he is not around and they have become a part of me. I sometimes question whether the similarities I find between my father and myself are simply me being like him in a subconscious way, or if it is me trying to be like him because I love who he was and this helps me keep him alive.
All of the above people showed me compassion and love when they were willing to put their faith in me. Their positive influence on me has motivated me to try and be a positive influence on as many people as I can, and sometimes this influence is just smiling at someone when they pass by. The individuals discussed above have also contributed to my social and personal identities. John P. Hewitt writes, “People develop a sense of themselves as whole beings (integration) acting purposefully and effectively in their social world (continuity) by developing forms of identity that transcend the particular situation” (2007, 102). These forms of identity that Hewitt speaks of are social and personal identity. All of the above contribute to my life story (Hewitt 2007, 103); these people have made me think about my future and have challenged me to work hard so to succeed on levels I did not know were possible for myself. Because, in my years at Redlands, I have been integrated into a lifestyle of success (academically and in extracurricular activities), I continue to hold myself to higher expectations that transcend my life as a college student.
Of course my communities have had some effect on me...
When I think about the communities that have influenced me, I first think of my community in junior high and high school. Being White, I was a minority in my school community. I think this was a good experience for me. I feel that while the education systems at the public schools I attended were not the best, the experience and exposure I got from the vast diversity have hindered prejudices or fears from developing in me which many other people have.
Though I went to school with a diverse group of people, my close friends were always White. Looking back, I guess the reason was that this was just the first instinct- to find the people who are similar to you. So, while my school community was diverse, my immediate community was not at all and this widened the gap between myself and those of other races. Because most of my friends stood out with their blond hair and blue eyes, we did not blend in easily which typified us as stuck up (something I don’t think I am at all) (Hewitt 2007, 150). In regards to why I stuck with only my White friends, it was a feeling of security in a place with so many people that were unlike my self. Perhaps this is an aligning action- me trying to make sense out of actions that are unclear to me; perhaps I am making an excuse. Andy Bennet writes in her book, "Culture and Everyday Life," about how people place themselves into communities based on such things as fashion (what people wear), and music; in "My Freshman Year," Rebekah Nathan also talks about the grouping of people (as she investigates them in the cafeteria). All emphasize that people place themselves in communities that make them comfortable, which, many times, is placeing themselves aroung people who are similar to themselves.
My religious community has had a huge impact on me. I was raised in a small Lutheran church, the same church my father grew up in. Every Sunday my family and I went to church and my sister and I went to Sunday school. I still remember the lessons I learned in Sunday school and I know for a fact that as a child, I would implement these lessons into my own life. The story of David and Goliath reminded me that while I was of small stature for my age, I could still accomplish a great amount. Though accomplishing a great amount was at the time winning in activities at recess, the idea was still present. I remember another time one of my Sunday school teachers talking about kids who get picked on or left out and how we need to stand up for those people and show kindness towards them. The next week at recess when I was voted to be a team captain and had to pick teams, I chose the one girl who was always picked last and I still remember the look on her face when I said her name.
When I was going into my freshmen year of high school I decided to make the personal decision to become a Christian and since then, I have been constantly striving to stay on the right path with God. As a Christian, I make sure to have a group of Christian friends close to me, not that all my friends are or should be Christians, but because so much of my life revolves around my faith, there are some things that only those friends can truly understand. When I enter into new relationships, it is always difficult for me to bring up my faith, because there are so many negative images of religion. I do not want to be associated with the negative things that may have come from the church, though these things are all that most people remember. Hewitt says that "identification with a particular community is also a way of differentiating oneself from people who are not members. In many instances, social identity establishes a sense of difference that looks on others with pit, condemnation, avoidance, or even violence." (2007, 104). This is exactly what I do not want people thinking I do or feel. For this reason, I wait to deeply share about my being a Christian and what that means to me until I am at a solid place in my relationships with particular individuals. I don't like just saying I'm a Christian without being able to have a conversation as to why and how I view my faith.
My family is the most influential community in my life. It may not have always been like this, but after my father passed away, my surviving family seemed to have picked up on what is truly important in life. We know the importance of family and we know that we need to make time for one another. We know that when someone else is in the family is in need, we will give. It is really easy to get caught up in things in life that, when you think of the big picture, really don’t matter. People put money, material items, significant others, etc. over their own family and don’t realize that these things are all things that will fade away. My family is always in my mind. It is for them that I am working so hard in my studies and in my extracurricular passions. I want to make them proud and I want them to benefit from my successes.
As I am writing this, I now have begun to wonder what it is that makes blood ties so strong.
If we choose to refer to community as the generalized other, (the imagined perspectives of other people in a society[Hewitt 2007, 75]) I could speak for days on the influences this has had on me. The generalized other influences my everyday actions, from what I wear to how I conduct myself. The influences of the generalized other are so powerful on/in me that I do not think I can clearly distinguish between what is truly me and what I think is me but has been influenced by the generalized other.
Though I went to school with a diverse group of people, my close friends were always White. Looking back, I guess the reason was that this was just the first instinct- to find the people who are similar to you. So, while my school community was diverse, my immediate community was not at all and this widened the gap between myself and those of other races. Because most of my friends stood out with their blond hair and blue eyes, we did not blend in easily which typified us as stuck up (something I don’t think I am at all) (Hewitt 2007, 150). In regards to why I stuck with only my White friends, it was a feeling of security in a place with so many people that were unlike my self. Perhaps this is an aligning action- me trying to make sense out of actions that are unclear to me; perhaps I am making an excuse. Andy Bennet writes in her book, "Culture and Everyday Life," about how people place themselves into communities based on such things as fashion (what people wear), and music; in "My Freshman Year," Rebekah Nathan also talks about the grouping of people (as she investigates them in the cafeteria). All emphasize that people place themselves in communities that make them comfortable, which, many times, is placeing themselves aroung people who are similar to themselves.
My religious community has had a huge impact on me. I was raised in a small Lutheran church, the same church my father grew up in. Every Sunday my family and I went to church and my sister and I went to Sunday school. I still remember the lessons I learned in Sunday school and I know for a fact that as a child, I would implement these lessons into my own life. The story of David and Goliath reminded me that while I was of small stature for my age, I could still accomplish a great amount. Though accomplishing a great amount was at the time winning in activities at recess, the idea was still present. I remember another time one of my Sunday school teachers talking about kids who get picked on or left out and how we need to stand up for those people and show kindness towards them. The next week at recess when I was voted to be a team captain and had to pick teams, I chose the one girl who was always picked last and I still remember the look on her face when I said her name.
When I was going into my freshmen year of high school I decided to make the personal decision to become a Christian and since then, I have been constantly striving to stay on the right path with God. As a Christian, I make sure to have a group of Christian friends close to me, not that all my friends are or should be Christians, but because so much of my life revolves around my faith, there are some things that only those friends can truly understand. When I enter into new relationships, it is always difficult for me to bring up my faith, because there are so many negative images of religion. I do not want to be associated with the negative things that may have come from the church, though these things are all that most people remember. Hewitt says that "identification with a particular community is also a way of differentiating oneself from people who are not members. In many instances, social identity establishes a sense of difference that looks on others with pit, condemnation, avoidance, or even violence." (2007, 104). This is exactly what I do not want people thinking I do or feel. For this reason, I wait to deeply share about my being a Christian and what that means to me until I am at a solid place in my relationships with particular individuals. I don't like just saying I'm a Christian without being able to have a conversation as to why and how I view my faith.
My family is the most influential community in my life. It may not have always been like this, but after my father passed away, my surviving family seemed to have picked up on what is truly important in life. We know the importance of family and we know that we need to make time for one another. We know that when someone else is in the family is in need, we will give. It is really easy to get caught up in things in life that, when you think of the big picture, really don’t matter. People put money, material items, significant others, etc. over their own family and don’t realize that these things are all things that will fade away. My family is always in my mind. It is for them that I am working so hard in my studies and in my extracurricular passions. I want to make them proud and I want them to benefit from my successes.
As I am writing this, I now have begun to wonder what it is that makes blood ties so strong.
If we choose to refer to community as the generalized other, (the imagined perspectives of other people in a society[Hewitt 2007, 75]) I could speak for days on the influences this has had on me. The generalized other influences my everyday actions, from what I wear to how I conduct myself. The influences of the generalized other are so powerful on/in me that I do not think I can clearly distinguish between what is truly me and what I think is me but has been influenced by the generalized other.
There are a lot of different parts of who I am and this is how I see them...
There are so many parts to who I am. I know because when I am in certain situations I can be really shy and timid while in other situations I am outgoing. In some situations I have to be constantly telling jokes and clowning around, while other times I am fine being entertained by others. I can see the different parts of my self most clearly when I make transitions from school to home. In Redlands I am very dedicated to my work. I get up early and stay up late just to get my studies done. I do an immense amount of community service and I am constantly making plans for my future. When I go home, which I do at least once a month, I fall into a different kind of person. My future plans of changing the world move to plans to go to cosmetology school or work at a salon. These are not bad careers and I still think they would be entertaining, but with all of the hard work and money I’ve put into my education and the emotional dedication I’ve made to helping others, I can’t imagine not utilizing them. I also become lazy and find it difficult to complete even the smallest tasks while at home. I also become more interested in shopping and buying the latest fashions. I still don’t really understand why I change so dramatically when I move from school to home. I think that the way I get when I’m at home is a result of me moving back into the person I was in high school. I have learned and grown so much since I’ve come to college, but when at home, I fall into other people’s perceptions and expectations of me. They don’t know all the work I have done in college; they don’t know of my accomplishments, and so, they ultimately don’t know me, as these things have made me who I am right now.
But is this the real me? I know that the person I am when away at school is the person I would prefer to be, but what if the person I am while at home is the “real me?” In this case, would I be happier working at a salon? Maybe I need to just accept that both of these parts are truly me. Again, I go back to questioning myself when I feel that there is more than one true self. If I just accept that fact that there is a multiphrenic self, how then will it be possible to make the right decision for something like a career path? Our consistent denial of the multiphrenic self has to do with our need to organize and plan.
But is this the real me? I know that the person I am when away at school is the person I would prefer to be, but what if the person I am while at home is the “real me?” In this case, would I be happier working at a salon? Maybe I need to just accept that both of these parts are truly me. Again, I go back to questioning myself when I feel that there is more than one true self. If I just accept that fact that there is a multiphrenic self, how then will it be possible to make the right decision for something like a career path? Our consistent denial of the multiphrenic self has to do with our need to organize and plan.
I thought I was a certain kind of person, until (this life changing event happened)
I believe the closest I have come to experiencing a true self was when I traveled to New Orleans to do Hurricane Katrina relief work. I have never been so at peace and so real. I was free from almost all media influences, with the exception of the radio which we listened to when driving to our work sites. While I was there I did not wear any make-up and I wore my worst jeans and t-shirts with work boots. I did not feel self-conscious at all (which would have definitely not been the case back home). Going to New Orleans and seeing the immense destruction and hearing people’s stories about how their lives had been so drastically changed really put things into perspective for me. No longer did it matter what my outward appearance was. No longer did I feel constrained to act a certain way and not in other ways for the sake of impressing others. I realized how much of a waste of time it was to put on a show for other people, especially for those so removed from my life, though so many of us put on the best shows for these people. For once…I just was.
As we entered this different world- a world of broken dreams, no running businesses, no people on the roads or sidewalk, no electricity, no running water, and FEMA trailers for those who were lucky- we seemed to have gotten quite confused. Over the week-long trip, many student’s made comments like, “I can’t wait to get back to the real world.” I admit to saying and thinking this myself, yet as the days went by, I realized more and more how this world we were in was more real than any world I had ever been in. I don’t know what is more real than people in need, than nature at its worst, than life, and better yet, than death. This was the real world. The “world” we knew that existed at home- a world of comfort from having a roof over head, living family members, television, hot showers, and People magazine- was a false reality.
As much as the New Orleans trip focused on helping others, I feel that the trip ultimately became largely focused on myself as well. In New Orleans I grew tremendously as an individual. I learned a level of compassion and understanding that I never new existed within myself. I learned how to do things selflessly. I learned that in a matter of seconds all the material things I value could be gone. I learned that in a second, the people I love can be taken from me. Ultimately, I learned where my priorities lie and it was not in my possessions.
I guess my experience in New Orleans could be labeled as a "carnivalesque" expereience (Bennett 2005, 148). As Bennett writes, as taken from Bakhtin, a carnivalesque experience (as it relates to tourism) is " a means through which individuals can temporarily reinvent themselves, playig with identities and engaging in forms of 'carnivalesque' behaviour impermissible in their normal everyday lives" (148). My not caring about fashion or material possessions, my enjoying working 9 hour days in the grossest and most unsanitary environment imaginable would be thought of as "impermissible in...normal everyday lives."
As we entered this different world- a world of broken dreams, no running businesses, no people on the roads or sidewalk, no electricity, no running water, and FEMA trailers for those who were lucky- we seemed to have gotten quite confused. Over the week-long trip, many student’s made comments like, “I can’t wait to get back to the real world.” I admit to saying and thinking this myself, yet as the days went by, I realized more and more how this world we were in was more real than any world I had ever been in. I don’t know what is more real than people in need, than nature at its worst, than life, and better yet, than death. This was the real world. The “world” we knew that existed at home- a world of comfort from having a roof over head, living family members, television, hot showers, and People magazine- was a false reality.
As much as the New Orleans trip focused on helping others, I feel that the trip ultimately became largely focused on myself as well. In New Orleans I grew tremendously as an individual. I learned a level of compassion and understanding that I never new existed within myself. I learned how to do things selflessly. I learned that in a matter of seconds all the material things I value could be gone. I learned that in a second, the people I love can be taken from me. Ultimately, I learned where my priorities lie and it was not in my possessions.
I guess my experience in New Orleans could be labeled as a "carnivalesque" expereience (Bennett 2005, 148). As Bennett writes, as taken from Bakhtin, a carnivalesque experience (as it relates to tourism) is " a means through which individuals can temporarily reinvent themselves, playig with identities and engaging in forms of 'carnivalesque' behaviour impermissible in their normal everyday lives" (148). My not caring about fashion or material possessions, my enjoying working 9 hour days in the grossest and most unsanitary environment imaginable would be thought of as "impermissible in...normal everyday lives."
Sometimes I don't really know who I am.
Though I thought I had realized a trueness about myself in New Orleans which had been unclear to me prior to the trip, there was a problem. The problem was that I was not going to remain in New Orleans forever. While I learned so much about life and compassion through my work in Louisiana, I was unable to maintain the feeling of realness individually as my environment changed. No longer was I surrounded by people thankful for just being alive. I was now in the land of materialism and consumerism, and gradually my insecurities came back to me. I was unable to maintain this sense of realness when immersed back into “real” modern society.
The quest to finding out who I am has been a struggle of mine mostly since I started college. When I was a senior in high school, I thought I knew exactly who I was. When I got to college, I lost that. I was forced to move out of my box I had created for myself. Not only had I just lost my father, but I had now moved away from my family to a place where no one knew me. Following that, my boyfriend from home broke up with me. All of these things I lost had all been a part of my identity as I knew it, so it makes sense that I was a little confused about myself. Since then, I have worked to reconstruct my self, but because I feel that I have so many parts to my self that my self self is not true. This is assuming that there is one true self, which is an idea that I haven’t been able to let go of.
While many things are always changing, the part of my self (who I am) that is constantly stable is that I am a Christian and I am a daughter. The rest is unknown. I wonder if we ever truly know who we are since we are all constantly changing. I know that in a year I won’t be the same person I am today. But even though people are constantly changing, there has to be something that is stable and remains the same (or something they think is staying the same).
I think that people’s need for stability is so interesting. I know that I have to have some sort of stability in my life. I’m a planner and I cannot plan when everything is in question.
It is also easier for me to know who I am (or think I know who I am) when things are going right and I have a positive mindset. When things start going wrong I sometimes start to get depressed and it is then that I start questioning everything about myself. I then get confused because I don’t know if when I am in my positive mindset I am just fooling myself into thinking I have everything sorted out, or if the darker side of me is how I really feel about who I am (or who I am not).
The quest to finding out who I am has been a struggle of mine mostly since I started college. When I was a senior in high school, I thought I knew exactly who I was. When I got to college, I lost that. I was forced to move out of my box I had created for myself. Not only had I just lost my father, but I had now moved away from my family to a place where no one knew me. Following that, my boyfriend from home broke up with me. All of these things I lost had all been a part of my identity as I knew it, so it makes sense that I was a little confused about myself. Since then, I have worked to reconstruct my self, but because I feel that I have so many parts to my self that my self self is not true. This is assuming that there is one true self, which is an idea that I haven’t been able to let go of.
While many things are always changing, the part of my self (who I am) that is constantly stable is that I am a Christian and I am a daughter. The rest is unknown. I wonder if we ever truly know who we are since we are all constantly changing. I know that in a year I won’t be the same person I am today. But even though people are constantly changing, there has to be something that is stable and remains the same (or something they think is staying the same).
I think that people’s need for stability is so interesting. I know that I have to have some sort of stability in my life. I’m a planner and I cannot plan when everything is in question.
It is also easier for me to know who I am (or think I know who I am) when things are going right and I have a positive mindset. When things start going wrong I sometimes start to get depressed and it is then that I start questioning everything about myself. I then get confused because I don’t know if when I am in my positive mindset I am just fooling myself into thinking I have everything sorted out, or if the darker side of me is how I really feel about who I am (or who I am not).
I feel like I'm "only performin" when...
I believe that people perform blatantly, but that many put on performances subconsciously as well. For example, if a person is trying to impress an individual of the opposite sex, he/she will imagine what the other person would be interested in or would find attractive, and the person trying to impress will act towards those things **READING. Everyone has hit on someone at least once before. Also, there are performances people do while on job interviews that are planned out ahead of time, but there are also performances that are expected based on the roles of the individuals in that specific setting. Many people put on performances to live up to other peoples expectations, or at least to appear to be living up to those expectations.
I wonder if we are ever free from performing. To an extent, I think that I am always performing, though sometimes I put on larger performances than others. Even around people I feel very comfortable with, I hold back to some extent. I don’t think that there is a person I know who I can 100% withold performing for and just be myself, whoever that may be. Even further, I feel that many people perform to and for themselves. We often try to trick ourselves into believing we are a certain type of person. For example, a person does not put aside enough time to do an assignment for class, but tells him/herself that he/she had no time because he/she was busy doing so many other things. This may be true, but we don’t remind ourselves that half of those things were done as a way to procrastinate and their getting done was not crucial or necessary at all. We then say that we were “soooo busy” so to not feel that we are failures, bad students, or incapable. SELF ESTEEM***
I wonder if we are ever free from performing. To an extent, I think that I am always performing, though sometimes I put on larger performances than others. Even around people I feel very comfortable with, I hold back to some extent. I don’t think that there is a person I know who I can 100% withold performing for and just be myself, whoever that may be. Even further, I feel that many people perform to and for themselves. We often try to trick ourselves into believing we are a certain type of person. For example, a person does not put aside enough time to do an assignment for class, but tells him/herself that he/she had no time because he/she was busy doing so many other things. This may be true, but we don’t remind ourselves that half of those things were done as a way to procrastinate and their getting done was not crucial or necessary at all. We then say that we were “soooo busy” so to not feel that we are failures, bad students, or incapable. SELF ESTEEM***
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